


Without You

by PoisonousDesire



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Domestic Violence, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Pregnancy, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 03:57:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14685975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonousDesire/pseuds/PoisonousDesire
Summary: A short story of BuckyNat. One of my favorite ships from the Marvel universe!! Enjoy!COMPLETED





	1. 1

Natasha sighed and stared out the window above the kitchen sink. She could see herself in the reflection, her red hair, the new bruise that stood out on her cheekbone. She sighed again, then turned on the sink to wash away the blood that had formed on her lip. Another screaming match that had escalated into a fight. This was it. She'd had enough. Tomorrow she was meeting with her divorce lawyer and she was going to sign those papers. Even though Bucky wouldn't agree nor be very happy with the fact, Natasha didn't give a shit anymore. She was done, and this was the last straw.

How this had happened, she didn't know. They had been a happy couple when they had been married just over a year ago. Then things started to fall apart. Bucky began getting more and more stressed, and started taking his anger out on her. Natasha had tried to stop him with soothing and gentle words, and didn't lash back. But when the attacks began getting more violent, she began fighting back. She envied Steve, who had just recently become engaged. He and his fiance were happy, and hadn't had one fight yet. So why were she and Bucky always fighting? She loved him, she really did.

The door opened and then closed in the hallway, and Natasha stood up and tensed. She quickly turned on the water and pretended to be doing the dishes. The kitchen door opened and Bucky walked in, put his bag on the table, and opened the fridge. He didn't say a word to her. 

"How was work?" she asked.

"Fine."

With a sigh, Natasha turned and threw down the papers in front of him. "James Buchanan Barnes, I want a divorce," she told him, tears forming in her eyes. "I'm done with all of this--the fighting, the arguing, the hitting. I just don't give a shit anymore! I'm done."

Bucky turned to face her, his eyes void of all emotion. Natasha hated that most of all. It was like he didn't care, like him beating her until she blacked out didn't matter to him. His brown eyes used to be full of love and admiration. Now, they were just dark pools of nothing. And she hated not feeling his love anymore.

"Where are the papers?" he asked, his voice cold. 

Tears hitting her eyelids, Natasha walked over to the drawer and grabbed them, along with her special ink pen. She walked back to him and gently put the papers on the table, smoothing out the edges and then setting the pen on top of them. Her name had been written, in shaky cursive, along the line that asked for wife's signature. She met his eyes, hoping he wouldn't sign those papers.

Putting down his beer, Bucky grabbed the pen and quickly wrote his name, then slid the papers towards her. He grabbed his drink and went into their bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

It was too much. Natasha slid down, against the counter, and began to sob. Her shoulders shook and tears flowed down her cheeks, smearing her mascara and leaving black streaks. Her heart was breaking. She had lost him. She had lost her only love.


	2. 2

Three months earlier  
"Natasha, stop messing around and come look," Bucky told his new wife with a laugh. "This is our house. Our very own. Just you and me, no one else."

Natasha leaned against him, smiling. "James, you're seriously the sweetest."

He kissed her. A long, sweet kiss, on the steps of their new home. His arms wrapped around her waist, her hands clutching his shirt. They pulled back and he cupped her face in his hands.

"I love you, Alianova," he whispered, calling her by her middle name. Him whispering that sent shivers down her spine...

Present day

"Mrs. Barnes?" the divorce attorney's voice broke through her thoughts. "Have you and your husband decided on division of the assets?"

Natasha shook her head. "No...we don't talk anymore." 

"Well, until he agrees to meet with us, we can't go through with the divorce," the attorney said gently.

Nodding resignedly, Natasha stood up and walked out to her car, tears hitting her eyes again. They had been married for a year, and the troubles had started one month before. He hadn't called her Alianova in months. They hadn't made love or even had physical contact unless it was violent. 

Entering the house, she silently walked into the bedroom and removed her shoes, but stayed in her skirt and dress shirt. She was still sitting there, about to cry, when Bucky came in. 

"What are you doing home?" he asked her, his voice cold and tense.

"I had to come home early. They won't finalize the divorce until they can speak to both of us," Natasha answered quietly, staring at the ground. 

"I'll talk to my lawyer tomorrow,'' he shot back, then opened the closet and took out a new pair of clothes.

She nodded.

"Why are you wearing that?" he asked suddenly.

Natasha met his eyes. "What? It's just an outfit."

"Isn't it a little fancy to be wearing to see your divorce attorney? You screwing him?" 

"What? Are you crazy?" Natasha got to her feet. "He's married and has children! I would never sleep with someone else while I was married!"

"Yeah, whatever." He put on a new shirt, then faced her again. "You forget that I caught you with Clint."

"And you know that nothing happened! We were drunk, we got carried away, and we kissed! That.was.it. Nothing else ever happened with anyone but you!"

"You better lower your voice."

Natasha started to cry. "James, this is tearing me apart! What did I do to make you stop loving me?! I tried so hard to be a good wife. I slept with you, I cooked for you, I had a job and I made sure you felt the love I had for you. What made you start hating me? 


	3. 3

Three months earlier  
"I love everything about you," Bucky said, his brown eyes gleaming with love. 

"Stop it, James. You're making me blush." Natasha could feel the heat on her face, her heart was racing. 

His eyes slowly moved from her neckline all the way down to her feet. She was wearing a knee length sparkly red dress that clung. Her shoes matched. She wore it because she knew he liked that dress on her.

"You're the hottest woman alive," he whispered, making her blush again. They were surrounded by other people who had come to the party. Bucky was wearing a suit. He looked very handsome. 

"James, please..."

"Try to stop me," he whispered again, nuzzling her neck. "Alianova..."

Present day  
Natasha sat at the kitchen table, in a robe, her breakfast untouched and her coffee cold. She had cried all night, in a cold bed, and had cancelled all of her appointments for the day. She wanted to stay home and think about what to do. Her mind was being flooded with memories, things from the past that she wanted to hold on to, when they had been happy. 

He walked in the kitchen, barely glancing her way.

"My attorney wants us to see him tomorrow," she said. "Both of us. If we don't, the divorce can't be finalized."

He nodded slightly, then began to make coffee. 

"James..."

"What, Natasha?" 

She flinched. There was so much hatred in his voice, as if her name was poison. 

"I just want you to know that I do not hate you. I'm hurt and I am angry, but I don't hate you. I know we can never go back to what we used to have, but can we at least be honest with each other? If you want me to be honest, I miss you. I miss you more than anything in this world. Even though you are here, your heart isn't. And if I lose you--" her voice cracked and she began to sob. "If I lose you, I might as well rip out my heart!! At least what's left of it. For months you have trampled on me, treated me like I mean nothing to you. Please, tell me you still care for me..."

Instead of answering, he left the room.

Three months earlier  
"James, we can't be in here," Natasha giggled, pulling at him. "This is my boss's bedroom."

"So?" Bucky laughed. He took her hand and ran over to the bed. "You in that dress, you're so goddamn hot, I want to fuck you."

She smirked. "You naughty boy." But she kissed him, pulling him to her, removing his suit jacket and his undershirt. She ran her hand down his chest.

He reached behind and unzipped her dress, then slowly slid it down, his hands moving down her arms slowly. He took off her bra and caressed her breast with one hand, then kissed her neck. Bucky was all about foreplay. But he was also a teaser. He liked to hear Natasha beg...

Present day  
"I'm going out," Natasha said flatly. "Not that you care, but I need some time away." She opened her closet and slipped into her sparkly red dress, the one he loved so much. It had always drove him crazy. Every time she wore it, no matter where they were, he always ended up wanting her. 

She took her hair down, let it flow over her shoulders, then slipped into her sequined red high heels. She left the bathroom and saw him sitting on the bed, his eyes slowly moving from the floor to her.

"Why that dress?" he asked in a choked voice.

"Why not? It's just gathering dust in the closet," she retorted. "I'm never going to have a reason to wear it again."

His eyes raked her body, like they always used to when she wore that dress. It never failed. No matter how much they fought, Bucky always loved that dress...but only on her body.

"Don't wear it to the club...wear something---anything---else."

She felt hurt. "Why?" 

"Other men might look at you...might feel the way I always feel..."

"Bucky, I'm here. Right now. Take me on the bed, the floor, I don't care! Just...make love to me again. It's been so long, too long. And you can't deny this dress doesn't make you want me."

He stood up and began to pace. "Damn it, change your clothes!" he raised a hand to strike her, but he put his hand down and looked at her, gently putting one hand on her waist. Natasha felt a jolt of electricity up her spine. He was fixated on her. 

"James, you can have me...please..."

Somehow, he managed to tear himself away. With incredible willpower, he shook his head. "No. Just go. Get out."

So she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taken from my Wattpad. Story right belong to me.


	4. 4

Three months earlier  
"Oh God, James!" Natasha was looking down into his eyes, moving her hips in rhythm as they both enjoyed each other's pleasure. The party still raged on, but the two were cloistered in the forbidden bedroom, making love. 

His hands were on her waist, his eyes looking into hers. He bit his lip, trying to keep from crying out. Their clothes were on the floor in a heap. Natasha put one hand on his chest, lost in the moment...

Present day  
Natasha returned home from her night out, feeling very lonely. She removed her shoes so they wouldn't clatter on the hardwood floor, and entered their bedroom in the dark. Assuming he was asleep, she headed to her closet to change when the lamp came on.

Stifling a scream, Natasha turned to face him. "Why are you still up?"

"I couldn't sleep. Too many nightmares."

"The same ones?"

"Always."

She turned on the room light, so he could see her in the dress. She sat on the edge of the bed. "J didn't dance, or even drink," she admitted. "I was too sad. Lost in the past, you know."

"My nightmares are usually about losing you," he said quietly. "But in my nightmare, I have so many things I want to tell you, and you're walking away, and I can't bring myself to say the words."

Natasha looked at him. "I'm here now. Say the words."

Tears filled his brown eyes, making them shine. "God, Natasha, I need you. I have screwed up so bad, and I know why you want to leave. It kills me inside when you cry. I hurt you, I know I did. I caused you so much pain and misery that you did not deserve. I wanted to hold you, and make you stop crying. But the thing is...I can't."

"Why not?" she asked, a single tear trickling down her cheek.

Bucky reached with his metal arm and gently wiped away the tear. Natasha closed her eyes and leaned into the cold metal, more tears flowing. She missed him so much. Every single part of him, she missed. 

"I can't be the husband you want. I'm a monster. I lose control, I've hurt you. But the things I said...they aren't true. You're not a bitch, and I don't hate you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, not the worst. You made my life ten thousand times better. I am nothing, and no one, without you. I can't face the dark without you. There's no me without you. I love you, Alianova."

Natasha leaned in and kissed him, with so much passion she was afraid he wouldn't respond. But he did. He returned the kiss, just as passionately, and Natasha wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close to her, relishing in his touch. She needed---wanted---to feel him again.

Her head pounding, Natasha woke up.


	5. 5

3 months earlier  
Bucky was lounging back on the bed, watching her with a smile on his face. "You know, Natasha, I will never love another woman as much as I love you," he told her. 

"The same goes for me," she said teasingly. "I'll never love another man or woman more than I love you."

She kissed him then, her heart full of love.

Present day  
It had all been a dream. Bucky apologizing, saying those beautiful words...it wasn't true. And Natasha was to the point where she was done. She had had enough. She sat there with the bottle in her hand, trying to contemplate everything that had happened. 

Headed for a blackout...

She still tried to think about what she had done wrong. What had made him hate her? She took another swig in the bottle, trying to just forget about everything.

Hurting like Hell...

Her head was hurting, pounding, but Natasha didn't care. She had to find some way to drown out the pain.

Finding my way to the bottom of the bottle...

Bottle finally drained, Natasha got up and walked to their room, gently taking out her clothes. She took out the dress and put it in a suitcase, her eyes blurring with tears.

Picking up my suitcase, leaving no trace...

Natasha got another bottle from her stash and opened the top. She packed the rest of her clothes and some shoes, then took her suitcase to the front door.

One step closer with every swallow...

She stood back and took her last look around the house, the house that they had bought together.

Deafening silence, that you like me, but you want me, saying nothing...

She closed her eyes and tried to bring back good memories, but no matter what, nothing worked. 

Not this time...

How had they let it fall this far? How had they let themselves fall out of love?

I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say...

Natasha let the drunk feeling wash over her, relishing in the fact that now, she literally had no control over what she was doing. All of the actions she did now were from the alcohol.

What sober couldn't say...


	6. 6

Bucky woke up the next morning, then sat up and looked around the room. He saw all of Natasha's belongings missing from the closet, the floor. The dresser where her makeup was usually spread out was completely clean. All of her shoes were gone. Everything was gone. She was gone.

Bucky closed his eyes and thought he would feel some form of relief, but instead it felt like a black hole had opened up inside of him. He had driven her away. He had pushed her over the edge, and she wouldn't come back unless he fought for her. 

***********************

Natasha woke up in the motel with a terrible hangover and swollen eyes. On the desk next to her, her phone began to vibrate. She was getting a phone call. Sitting up, she grabbed it and answered without even bothering to look at the name. 

"Hello?"

"Natasha?"

"James?" She sat straight up in the bed, shocked to hear his voice. She pinched herself to make sure that this time, it was real.

"I don't blame you for leaving. I know why you did. I screwed up bad, I know I did. I would promise to change and beg you to come back, but you deserve much better than me."

"Bucky...I don't want anyone but you."

"Everything I did to you...you're willing to forgive that?"

"We can work it out, James. Please." 

"Okay. Im coming to get you. Just stay there."

Natasha hung up, feeling happier than she had in months. She put on some lace lingerie underneath a robe and   
Did her hair.

A knock at the door made her jump. He had got here pretty quickly. Putting on her brightest smile, she opened the door.

**********

Bucky headed into the motel, up to the room number she gave him. The door was open, which he found strange. Walking in, he gently called out, "Natasha?"

There was no reply. The entire place had been ransacked, there was no sign of Natasha or her belongings. But he did see a symbol stamped on the wall that looked eerily familiar.

Natasha had been taken by his nemesis. She had been taken by Hydra.


	7. 7

Bucky went insane. He threw a lot of things onto the floor, having a total fit. How could she be gone? He had literally talked to her not even ten minutes ago, and they had already got to her. How had they known where she was? Unless they were keeping tabs on him, watching his every move...

They would have had no reason to touch her before, when they were splitting up, because it would not have hurt him. But now that they were making amends, and everything was about to be back to normal, his world had been flipped upside down.

"Natasha, where have they taken you?" he said to himself, then began to curse in Romanian. 

He reached for his phone, planning to contact SHIELD. He dialed the number and reached voicemail. Fucking agency, never around when you actually needed them. He dialed again and once again got no answer.

Pacing the room, Bucky began to think of what else he could do. He could try to go after her, but he wasn't in the best shape to be facing Hydra. He was still regaining bits and pieces of his memory, but at least he remembered the important things.

He called SHIELD one more time, and at last got a response. 

"This is James Buchanan Barnes, and I need a search patrol sent to Hydra immediately. Agent Romanoff has been taken."

The search patrol dispatched, Bucky began to straighten up the room. He found a broken picture frame on the ground. It was their wedding photo. He lovingly ran his hand over Natasha's beautiful face. She had looked like a queen in her wedding dress. He loved her so much, and he instantly regretted having drifted apart from her. A tear dropped onto the cracked glass, and he tried to wipe it away. 

"Oh, Alianova," he murmured, his voice breaking like the glass he was holding. He cradled the picture to his chest, cradled it like he should have held her. In his darkest moments, she had always been there for him. And instead of him understanding, instead he had berated and degraded her. Bucky held intense hatred for himself. He wanted to put the gun to his head and finally have the courage to pull the trigger. But he had to stay strong for her, his baby. He had to be there for her if they found her, to comfort her and chase away all the nightmares that Hydra loved to give.

He laid on her bed, grabbing the nearest nightgown and laying down with it.  He cradled it close, taking a deep breath and relishing the smell of her perfume. He just needed rest. Tomorrow, he would hunt for the love of his life.


	8. 8

Before  
"James, I want to have a child," Natasha told him as she lay in the bed next to him. She turned to face him and ran a finger down his chest in a tantalizing way.

"I do, too," he told her. "But only with you. I'd really like to have a son."

"I was able to avoid the Red Room," she told him happily. "I can still have children!"

Bucky smirked and rolled on top of her. "Well, I can assure you that my tool works perfectly."

Now  
Two weeks after Natasha's disappearance

"We found her!" Agent Wyler quickly ran into Bucky's quarters, his happiness contagious. "We found her. She's in the infirmary. You should go and see her."

Bucky was on his feet in flash. "Did she ask for me?"

"No, sir. She...she didn't ask for anyone."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Miss Romanoff can't remember a thing, it seems. She didn't even remember her own name. The doctor had to tell her."

No! Bucky hurried down the hall into the infirmary. He ran to Natasha's side and grabbed her hand. "Natasha!"

She turned to look at him, her beautiful eyes dull and strained. "Who are you?"

"N-natasha, it's me. Bucky. Your husband."

"Who the Hell is Bucky?" she asked, spitting out his name as if it were poison.

Bucky felt his heart drop. He wanted to fall to the floor and never get up. She didn't remember him...his worst nightmare come to life. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, but it wouldn't help. The Devil had stolen her memory.

"It's me, James," he said, his voice breaking. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know you..."

Bucky wanted to argue, but the doctor motioned to the side room. He followed her in there.

"Bucky, Natasha's memory has been completely erased. She has no idea where she is, or what is going on around her. She doesn't know me, or you, or herself. And apparently, she had a Caeserean section. The baby was removed. We have no information on the child. But we do know that Natasha can no longer have children. They did her wrong. She didn't escape the Red Room this time."


	9. 9

Bucky couldn't sleep. All night he tossed and turned, trying to escape the nightmares that threatened to claim him if he gave in to sleep's embrace. 

He hadn't known how to react to the fact that Natasha had been pregnant, and now the baby was gone, probably being trained to be some Hydra soldier. It hurt Bucky more than anything because of how badly he and Natasha had wanted a child of their own. And this time, she hadn't escaped the Red Room.

Bucky decided it would be pointless to try and sleep, so he got up and wandered the hallways, trying to piece together this one million piece puzzle. He had almost lost Natasha. If he had let her go, Hydra would have left her alone. But he couldn't let her go. Natasha made everything better. When she held him, the nightmares went away.

He entered the kitchen and leaned against the counter, pondering his next move. He was aching with heartbreak. Walking to the refrigerator, Bucky downed one bottle which turned into another and another until the entire pack was empty. Stumbling back to his bed, he somehow fell into a troubled and drunken sleep. 

There were no nightmares after that.

****************

He awoke the next morning with a terrible headache and feeling completely stupid. He hadn't drank that much in years. And now, he had pulled a totally stupid move. Over something he could not change.

 

Bucky found himself heading to the room where Natasha was cloistered. He walked in and meandered over to where she sat.

"Hey." He greeted her with fake cheerfulness. 

"Hi...you look like Hell," she responded.

"Yeah, I drank an entire six pack last night. Totally a stupid move. But it kept the nightmares away."

"You have nightmares, too?"

"I have had them for a long time. Whenever I would have them, you would hold me until I fell asleep. You always kept the nightmares away."

"And you love me," she said.

"I do. Very much."

 

(so please leave feedback! I have so many plans for this story, Im really excited for it to go further. Sorry for any gut wrenching feels I may be causing. Will more agony be happening? Possibly. Leave your reactions in the comments! It gets me seriously motivated!)


	10. 10

Bucky dragged through the day. He had no motivation for anything, but he managed to drag himself out of bed  to make some breakfast.

Entering the kitchen, he ran into a pretty girl with long brown hair and dazzling eyes. He was nearly stricken with how beautiful she was. He just stood, and stared. 

"Sorry, am I in your way?" she asked, throwing a little smile at him. Bucky felt himself blushing. She was so cute.

"I'm James," he told her. "James Bucky Barnes." He held out his hand to her. 

"Wanda Maximoff," she said with yet another smile, shaking his hand. Her hair looked very soft, and her eyes...they were dragging him in, and swallowing him down. 

Holy God, she was beautiful. Bucky had never felt this way about anyone before--except Natasha. He felt incredibly guilty, like he was betraying her. Was it wrong to think another girl was beautiful?

"Here, let me get out of your way," she said, and stood aside. Bucky quickly entered the kitchen and started to butter some toast, keeping Wanda in his line of vision. 

"You are Natasha's husband?" her soft voice carried over to him.

Bucky put the toast in the toaster. "I am. I married her two years ago. We got married on the beach...and now, she doesn't remember any of that." He could feel his eyes tearing up as he said the words. He'd put her through Hell, and now she was back in Hell before he'd even had a chance to truly say sorry.

"Bucky, there is always forgiveness," Wanda assured him. "Whatever happened between you two, it's done and over. Bury the past. You two have a chance to start over...to love each other all over again."

Bucky sighed. "And I'm grateful for that chance, but...I miss her." A single tear found its way down Bucky's cheek, and he brushed it away.

"Don't be embarrassed to cry," Wanda told him, gently brushing away the tear. "It takes a real man to cry over his woman. It proves how much you love her."

Bucky stared at her as she walked out, feeling his heart start to break. Would he ever get Natasha back? And would she ever be the same?


	11. 11

Bucky headed back from the room where they were holding Natasha. The visit had been more successful. He had sat and talked to her, but shek hadn't recognized him completely. Her memory was restoring itself slowly, but not all the way. 

SHIELD was frantically searching for Bucky and Natasha's baby. Bucky had to know if it was a girl or boy, if Hydra had it...if it had survived. They had cut it out of her stomach, much too early. It had to have been too early. She really hadn't been showing, or else Bucky would have noticed.

He was lost in thought as he walked down the hallways to visit Natasha. He didn't even notice the girl until they had slammed into one another, and Bucky hit the ground hard. 

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry!" the girl looked at him, then helped him up. 

It was Wanda again. Bucky was too tired to say anything, so he tried his best to ignore her. "It's fine. It was an accident." 

He continued traversing the hallways, trying to think of something that would make Natasha remember him. Entering the room, Bucky gently closed the door behind him.

"I have a few questions to ask you," Natasha said slowly. 

"Ask away."

"They told us we are married..."

"We are. I love you very much, Natasha. I don't know how you feel or felt about me, but I'm sure we loved each other equally."

"They said we were fighting," she said, looking at him with a piercing gaze.

"We were." Bucky sat down on a nearby chair. "I was an asshole. I treated you like you were my property. I would get angry over simple things and hit you for no reason. I would call you names and treat you like shit. But when you were leaving, I realized I still loved and needed you." His eyes filled with tears as he spoke the words.

She slowly walked to him, and put a hand gently on his face. "James, I forgive all your past sins. We can start over, as husband and wife, if you want to. You can help me remember, and we can renew our vows."

Bucky closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. "What made you decide that?" he asked.

"That nice girl Wanda told me that you still loved me, and you were very sorry. So I decided I wanted to know who you really were, the nice person you were."

Bucky stood up. He wanted to kiss her, but he wasn't sure if she would be comfortable with that. So he kissed her cheek. "Ready to come out of this room?" he asked, holding out his hand.

Grabbing his hand, Natasha squeezed gently. "I'm ready."


	12. 12

I was sorting through the things in Bucky's apartment when I found a note on his desk, addressed to me. I sat at the desk and began to read it. 

"My dearest Natasha...I wish you could know just how much I love you, how much I honestly care. I wish you could remember me. I want...no, I need...you back. The way we were before, I want that again. I feel like having you would be everything I need to feel whole. I screwed up, I know. I was a jerk to you. I do not deserve you. You not remembering me is probably my punishment for the way I treated you. Natasha, I want us to be lovers again. Husband and wife, parents, best friends, everything. But Hydra screwed all that up, now we can't have our own children. Please, baby, come back to me, because I can't face this dark without you."

I felt tears streaming down my face as I set down the paper he had so lovingly written. I walked to him when he walked inside the room and I wrapped my arms around him, wanting to feel his heartbeat and his arms around me. 

"Natasha, you're hardly this affectionate," he told me with a soft kiss to the forehead. "Have you regained some more memories?"

I rocked back on my heels and looked up into his beautiful blue eyes. "To be honest, I don't want to remember. I want to remember only the good memories, not the bad ones. I love you, James Buchanan Barnes, and I need you with me."

He smiled so brightly I felt my heart melt. I clutched tighter to him and gave him a kiss, which he returned eagerly. I pulled back and told him I wanted to make love. With a smirk, he gently grabbed me and put me on the bed. Our clothes ended up in a pile on the floor and we melted into each other's embrace. The pleasure I felt was unbelievable. I reached so many highs I didn't need a drug. He was my drug, he was all I needed. He whispered words of love in Romanian in my ear. I held onto him as I let him know how good he made me feel. 

***************

I woke up the next morning with his arms around me. I hadn't had any nightmares, for once. When I had come back from Hydra, I thought I didn't have a home. But when he was holding me, I knew. He gave me a home. He was my home. 

At last, I was finally home.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow my tumblr: queenunderthemountain96


End file.
